feet | Croncast - From Cool to Cul De Sac

Season 20 Ep 24: Cousin Kris, Painters Cap, Nothing Is Level

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:28:11 -0500

Croncast - 2008-06-16.mp3
Show: #499
Length: 22:52
Size: 15.7mb
Format: mp3

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It is all about the Interwaves
The photo montage of the father's day trip are up
Look in the blog for the story
Soften up the crow's feet
Geez, that bag, what is she 33?
I don't know if Rock of Love is comparative to competitive improv dinner theater
The afternoon jamboree
Much like licking a toilet
"Cousin Kris!"
The first Casey's we stop at
Hey, I know you
No, I didn't know her name instantly
Hoping for it fire into my brain
Turns out to be cousin X
She's of the normal branch
But the odds of that
Not that great
Running into someone buying smokes
I just don't want to get there
I know, Betsy, you were driving 45 in a 75
Never thought we would make it
Creeping ever closer that sucking vortex where you grew up
It is an area of decay
Dilapidated nothingness
If you were a pizza deliver guy you would deliver to houses with siding
The rest are wrapped in Tyvek
It looks like depression
We tried the town route
Elliot is asking why it is abandoned
Yelling why doesn't it look like home
Two taglines
"For Rent"
"Rent to Own"
You wouldn't let me take the best photo
It was the award winning shot
It was beautiful
The transient neighbor
In a wife beater, smoking a cigarrete, talking on his phone in a NASCAR painters cap
And . . . And . . . his white wolf dog on the steps
Nothing is level there
I fell down 77 times
Growing oriental poppies
Couldn't believe it
Save me from this
And you walked away
Everyone walked away to leave me there
The scary compound
The old ass car wasn't as bad
Always had the perspective that there was someplace else I needed to be

Tags: white wolf chevrolet graveyard interwaves abandoned small town

hoop ballast

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 21:46:27 -0500

i told you folks the honest truth on the show that a bag of quickcrete, used tire, top 10 feet of a TV antanae and a Wal-Mart basketball hoop were my gravel driveway pride.

this remnant stands as a testament to this story. i had forgotten that we had written our names in it. check out that sweet "Kyle".

Tags: hoop remnant stands pride driveway

from walgreen's with love

Sat, 17 May 2008 11:01:16 -0500

i have rationalized that a conservationist teenager tossed this cart into the river for small marine life habitat and not the thrill of launching it 15 feet down and embankment in an act of drunken joyousness.

ahh, to be young in naperville.

Tags: embankment feet launching thrill act

Season 20 Ep 10: Transvestite Mennonite, MC Hammer, Baby Spiders

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:58:26 -0500

Croncast - 2008-04-30.mp3
Show: #485
Length: 28:03
Size: 19.8 mb
Format: mp3

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Special note: Betsy and Jeanie are having a meetup in San Francisco May 21, 2008 at House of Shields 39 New Montgomery St., Time: 6:30 p.m., stop and have a drink or two!

I pulled a muscle in my back
My spider bites
It's a back wall injury
Like in the Mist
Where the privileged people are
At the Intercontinental hotel
I ordered my drink
You need to try it
Jaegermeister and Bailey's?
It makes me want to cover my ears
How much do they charge for that?
It depends
The bartender appeared to be a Stanford math major
How much do you want?
Top it off on the rocks, half Jaeger and half Bailey's
Well, we pour in ounces
I don't care what pour, just fill it up
When have you counted
You are an asshole
I'm not an asshole
How many ounces would you like?
What kind of question is that?
I would have turned you into a zombie
Was $30 a drink
Puffy Cuffs to a whole new level
She had already poured them
A mixer usually has small amount of alcohol
They should charge normally
I need to carry my own stuff
Buy a mixer full of ice to mix my own
You pay for the atmosphere
But most have to leave early to get to a meeting
$30 bucks a drink you better get some atmosphere
Turns out MC Hammer was hanging in the lobby
I missed it
I was three feet from him
He looked nothing like I would have expected
Taller than I thought
They have small man complex and work harder
Shaped like a potato these days
He would have showed all of his potato parts
He has an internet startup
It's like youtube but with dance videos
There's a new character on the scene at Goodwill
Who is it?
I don't know his/her name
What?
It is a Transvestite Mennonite
I had awkward pause seeking gender
I blanked
I needed to know boy or girl to return communication
You should do a back bend

Tags: MC Hammer the mist transvestite mennonite spider bite jaegermeister and bailey's

Famous people I've sold shoes to

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:31:20 -0500

In the mid 90's after I left college (see; not graduating) I worked my up the food chain with an athletic shoe retailer to eventually manage a couple stores. In this time I was able to put shoes on the following famous (lightly said) peoples' feet:

By the way, the whole reason for this post is that for some reason I had a dream last night and replayed all of these sales in my head. Maybe it's a sign to give it all up and go back to selling shoes. Wouldn't Betsy be thrilled?!

Ok, here they are:

1) Carrot Top
2) Teddy Riley
3) Kevin Garnett
4) Lorrie Morgan
5) Ray Allen
6) Rudy T

What good stuff you got in your closet from a former life in sales dealing with "famous" people?

Tags: nike the finish line carrot top famous people feet

Season 19 Ep 14: International Player, Un-Unitarian, Faded Duds

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 10:43:31 -0600

Croncast - 2008-02-08.mp3
Show: #460
Length: 31:41
Size: 21.8mb
Format: mp3

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Here we are for 2008 02 08
If you were an international player such as myself
What do you do internationally?
Podast internationally three times a week
You are an exporter baby
The air mattress can hold more money
Less filler
Thesises theses who knows . . .someone does
Mixed intro with Betsy
Comments about Kris's CB handle
I didn't have one
I was never in to it
You mean you were never allowed
Your CB would have been made of a Fisher-Price record player
It wasn't bad to the bone
When the bullet hits the bone
Different that what you think
It's a Friday . . . we gotta keep things loose
You are doing a live improv show
How do you do a "non-live" improv show?
I see, but you have to be spontaneous
You're gonna be prissy
The guy who likes to flip over chairs
You are manic
So are your people
Yeah, but you are predictable too
What do you do?
Kid who talks so much
I am bothered already
It's just stupid
No enough
I do hate improv
Ninety five percent of it is bad
Five percent is good
I don't like sitting through it to catch the good stuff
If it were tv I would change the channel
What is your next step?
I can't do it I'm 32
The younger people can do it
We'd be opening strip shows
He takes off his coat and he has my shirt on
I flipped out
But why?
How un-unitarian is it of you
To challenge your child on the gender specificity of his clothes
You should have worried more that it was your shirt
The first person that owned that messed up
The lady who bought it at Goodwill was out of their minds
Everybody gives me a hard time about my clothes
No one else gets it baby
Your 1998 pants need to be destroyed
Your stove pipe pants hearken back to grunge days
They have been sitting at Goodwill for 10 years
You rescued them from the slow ship to Africa
Those pants sang to you
I wash, dry and they fit like a glove
You are irrationally afraid of sharks and feet
Tromping around in the snow
That is the bummer part
You put on yesterday's pants
If they have yesterday's salt ring on them
That is a total bummer
I hate the midwest
I just don't care, Kris
If you won't let your kid wear it
You shouldn't wear it either
I don't consider what Elliot would look like in it
We've come a long way since we moved into the suburbs
I have been assimilated and so have you
I am not talking politics with you
People will realize that Obama has Jesus shooting out of his eyes
Let me give you a hint, baby, you are the only one who sees Jesus Check out the For Whatever Reason Podcast Produced by friend of the show Tim Alexander

The Resale Queen Podcast is now here! Every Saturday by 9 a.m. CST

View Kris's resume or download it

Tags: record player Tim Alexander CB Handle 1998 pants For Whatever Reason

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 12, 2007

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 10:27:04 -0600

Croncast - 2007-12-12.mp3
Show: #444
Length: 25:31
Size: 17.5mb
Format: mp3

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My stalker is back
Kris, put the shoe on the other foot
He thinks you are stalking him
I keep my eye on everyone
You are so cute when you laugh
You have the bobble body Mr B
Put it out there to the Secret
You have got to stop this Secret crap
I want to do a training series for HR professionals
How to hire a guy like me and How to hire a gal like me
Gal would be done by Nicole Simon
I need that gum scraper here at home
I have to pay the kids to clean
Elliot gets Webkinz
Listen, it is my trained earwigs
They mulch aluminum cans for me
The cafe press store, so far I have license plate frames
Here it is, shirts on the way
My dad told me white collar prison isn't so bad
Conjugal visits through the fence
We need to have a jail baby
So you can have something to look forward to
Do you mean motivation?
I never met my daddy
He and mama hug real close through the fence
You talked be out of babies
The home vasectomy reversal kit waiting for me at home
Sure, loaded with knitting needles and cat gut
More dog clothing breakdown
I actually heard from your mom that
"The veins are so close in her feet the blood would freeze her heart"
Goodwill has been picking up
My new passion is China
I just got bit by something
My trained earwigs are doing my bidding

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Tags: Webkinz The Secret china patterns conjugal visits earwigs

Betsy and her husband Kris Nov 28, 2007

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 09:55:45 -0600

Croncast - 2007-11-28.mp3
Show: #439
Length: 22:14
Size: 22.0mb
Format: mp3

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The posts are posts
The most totally Gary email
"I'm in a village where people go to die"
"Someone couldn't wait and died on train"
Life itself is a destination
Mr. B is all happy
You've made it someplace
Yeah, void before it started and void when it ends
I knew you would turn it around and make it negative
When I was hit by a truck I learned this truth
Sure I flew 30 feet
How do you know you flew 30 feet?
There were witnesses
In the country?
No, it wasn't the country I was in town
Kris, could you keep farm animals in town?
Yes
Then it is the country!
I can see the bike-a-thon
Ride you big wheel around the block, pig bbq, oh someone is dying
If you are windshield smudge before you are 10 you're not a smart one
The banana seat bike catapulted me
I can see your dad measuring 30 ft
Right, everybody in town carried a tape measure
Is there a point to this story
All, I am saying is life is your destination
Live it while you got it
Lawn chair collectors
That's a hotel chair
Gigi starts yelling
We're all on the edge of our seats, Kris
They got into rc cars
When you are not the one being farmed?
The human condition means we are all farmed
Mr B
Betsy explains how it is done on the farm
I had gravel but there are many a boy that would want gravel over grass
You can be negative all you want
Today is the greatest day ever Mr. B
I am dressed in my sloppy best
Betsy takes us way back
Is there ever a need to dress up in your world, Betsy?
No
I say the same things to you
Once you understand this story you will understand me
The broom story from the last show didn't do it?
Betsy tells a story that I have never heard
Her dad bought his wife a car
We drive out to pick it up from a country driveway
It is parked behind a convenient store
It looked like it belonged in your father's yard
It was three different colors
No class, no style but it had balls
It was the original hyrbrid
Dekalb Ag car
She was disappointed
I was 15 and drove all the time
I didn't want to go get a license
It was a formality, detail
As long as I don't leave his subdivision I could get out of it
And I entered a 4 way intersection that turns out to be a 2 way
I hit a girl in a little pinto
My friend said, shit you're 15 you won't get your license until you are 21
My evil side takes over
I realize that she is 16 and doesn't know what to do
This is when I take over
We shouldn't call the police
We can let our dads talk and take care of it
The rest is history
This is possibly Betsy's funniest story ever
You are going to be a scary adult

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Tags: Pinto my dad small town fundraisers big wheels banana seat bike

Facial recognition for contextual internet ads?

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 13:55:34 -0600

Though some may call it an eerie coincidence. I prefer to think of it as a conspiracy by those trying to target ads.

What is, "it"?

Glad you asked.

"It", is what I saw today while reading a news story about a guy who wanted to bail out of a plane at 30,000 feet.

Those smart marketers have done two things:

1. Proven that inline facial recognition from images can work like keywords to control ads
2. Proven that Einstein did invent a time travel machine and bad caricatures

Tags: Einstein Google Adsense advertising United Airlines commission junction

Scooter looses every time

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 11:12:58 -0500

This thing stands not a chance when I hop on it.

Six feet, 240 and Hot Wheels aluminum on resin wheels . . . destroying
neighborhoods one cul de sac at a time.

Tags: wheels destroying resin neighborhoods cul

World's longest gummy snake - barf

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 16:33:12 -0500

Before you is the grossest food ever created.

Four feet long, slimy and every bit as unappetizing as roadkill.

Tags: long feet slimy bit roadkill

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:53:05 -0500

Croncast - 2007-09-03.mp3
Show: #405
Length: 33:11
Size: 21.1mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Sep 03, 2007

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Short show notes:
Betsy can't handle not mocking me during
How can I now mock you?
Kris had to do the intro 27 times
No way
August melted like a warm pat of butter in the sun straight into September
Celebrating a laborless birthday
I can't handle it
The worst joke that Betsy ever attempted
Wow did that bomb
Been a crazy weekend around here
We're broke
Thankfully we live in Pleasantville
Oh my god the cup is so half empty for you
What else do you want?
The park public bathrooms have Corian
The man tells me he is good at that point
Those games cost money . . . who wants to pet goats?
I wanna go on this ride . . . suck it up
Daddy doesn't make enough money
It's character building Mr. B
The photos like this chicken riding a llama
This chicken sees your soul

Maggie was super excited to ride the ponies
The chicken on the llama . . . she never thought of that
The 8 by 8 portable animal corral
Filled with animals
Pigs are doing figure 8's around the llama's feet
It wasn't a petting zoo it was a petting corral
Same thing happened with Elliot at Lake Holiday
The kids get on to the sand pile
The super farmer, Farmer Rollo, comes walking to his truck
Farmers look like retired Floridians they are so tan
Silver hoop earing . . . a pirate farmer
That man is an owner operator
I run this joint, that's my 8 by 8 pen bitch
It was funny when he came sauntering by with blood spurting from his face
He's hustling to his truck
Applying pressure to his face
What's wrong with you?
The pig bit me
The thing about the pigs is they were 10 weeks old
They go vicious
Thought of his probiscus as a teet
He wants the Jaycees contract for next year
Maybe some more horses next year
The animals were all in good shape
Eventually he stops the bleeding
He tried everything he could in his truck
He was trying to be casual about it
One of those things that was interesting to watch
OSHA would have take him to task
That pig should have been at least 12 inches from your face
I won't tell you what they do to the runts
Speaking of death
We watched the Mount Everest thing on NBC
They left the guy behind
Poked him in the eye to make sure he was dead
Next day . . . he's awake and talking to new climbers
Can I talk to you about improv class?
Sure you can lay it out for me
He's a professional extra
The goal is to succeed as a team
Right, they aren't supposed to be laughing at one of you
Betsy, you have to hold it back
Am I sassy? No
Am I hyper? No
Am I a bossy bitch? Yes
You have to stop steam rolling over everyone
You need to remember that you run over people
I am glad you are having someone point this out to you
We are an ensemble and the rest of your life should be that way
I hear people laughing all day in my head

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Tags: Corian Farmer Rollo Pleasantville baby pigs OSHA

Kosso Rocks. Here's why . . .

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 13:26:05 -0500

Not just because he can pull off a black suit with white Puma's but because he is showing Croncast some love at Podcast.com.

During Gnomedex, Kosso added Croncast to the recommended list of podcasts on the home page at Podcast.com. Thus, making him the coolest British guy that I know. Prior to the addition he already held the title but this solidified his status in my British Friend Hall of Fame Museum (BFHFM).

If you know of a couple thousand square feet, or maybe a couple square feet, that would be available for me to start the physical version let me know.

Tags: Kosso Podcast.com black suit white shoes BFHFM british friend hall of fame museum white Puma

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:27:44 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-03.mp3
Show: #393
Length: 32:41
Size: 22.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 03, 2007

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Kris is losing his voice
The most emotional day of Jeanie's life ensues
Jeanie wakes up hammered
Betsy woke up and rubbed her feet all over Jeanie
It is the curse of Betsy
Betsy hates feet, can't stand feet
Wants nothing to do with feet
However, she can't keep her feet off of you
She has to put them on you
And these aren't regular feet
They are a women's size 12
A man's size 11 1/2
And they are like meat hooks
Dry, jerky meat hooks
And they are rough and jagged with a sixth toe on each foot
Like the Chinese guy in the Guinness Book
It must be a female thing
Evan yells at me when I do it to him
Why do you gotta put your toes on me?
Get on your own side dude!
Sorry, Mrs. Smith greatest day ever isn't gonna cap out
While I'm dying of alcohol and nicotine poisoning
I wake up and the toilet is full of Kobe of bananas foster
I didn't puke on the floor . . . it is from when I got out of the shower to puke
Jeanie, "This is gross"
We have to get up, today is the second greatest day of my life
The day that I get to go and shoot stuff
I'll have the fruit plate
It comes back as fruit art
We tell the waiter, but it is obvious that Betsy is hungover
The waiter comes back with cappuccino for the ladies
Jeanie gets amped
Somebody give that woman a firearm
Betsy now feels the same way that I did when we were on the ATVs
Even Linda Hogan has to put chin to cleavage and push on
No pressure, step up to the plate
We walk in to Valhalla
Turns out that John is going to help us
There are like 10 bronze Remington statues
Gigantic NRA flags on the wall
Celebrity photos on the wall
John, ex-Navy Seal, comes over and talks to us
I have never listened so hard in my life
"Oh shit, we are really going to do this"
This will be in live combat simulation mode
The bullets will explode
"We do not point the gun at anyone. Including me," John
This is when Jeanie begins to panic
We have to sign a waiver with or social security number
If you had been in the presence of an ex-Navy seal
John comes over and lays down 9mm pistols in front of us
Jeanie looses her color, "I'm trapped in this steal room with pulverizing bullets"
More instructions on how to hold the gun
He helps Jeanie out arm over arm
We are not going to be Olympic competitors if rifle
Ready position
Jeanie pulled . . . and she melted
The Navy Seal saw it coming
He grabs her. Jeanie, "Bull shiiiit!"
All of the sudden there are stars in the sky
She is still standing right next me
I can't quit shaking
Do you need some water?
He grabs lapel, "We have a freaker"
He knew you were going to hit the road
Lodged, malfunction, strike the magazine
Bang, bang, b-bang
Shells are falling all around Betsy's Crocs
Betsy turns around with the gun and Jeanie hits the deck
That is just the beginning
Betsy, "It's OK to go Jeanie"
Trying to be encouraging while crying
Jeanie is the world's best friend
John2 at the front desk watches the uncontrollable shaky Jeanie
Do you want some oxygen?
Finally they send a car
Meanwhile back at Valhalla . . .
OK you shot'em in the head . . . but it doesn't mean they can't still kick your ass
You keep shooting till they don't move
The look on your face is the look in that picture!
John has made a very large impact on your life
I am going to take you to a live scenario room
If this were a long term course we would work on your startle reflex
Betsy is awesome with a pistol
They take Betsy into a biker bar with a terrorist
I know it went down but you've got to keep shooting them
So Betsy clears the room . . . "Clear and cold"
Fear of firearms
John, "We have one more room for you"
He walks Betsy into a biker bar scenario room
Your face baby, oh my god
So in the corner of the bar is a robber
All you can see is his head and arm because it was around a hostage
I turned and dropped him with one shot between the eyes
It was the best feeling that I ever had
So Kris this is what I am thinking . . . a well armed wife is a happy wife
"You cannot beat and armed woman"
They sold purses designed for your concealed weapon
I am putting it out there for birthday
Henry just erased everything off his board and wrote, "I win."
You might be the first person to be turned away at the Unitarian church
I was going to tell Elliot, "Mommy took down a terrorist today"
So now it is time to leave
Cold maze is a good maze
I think something that contributed to my discomfort was not breast feeding for 3 days
To the right of me is a breast pump going full speed
Betsy finished up . . . and says I got to get rid of this stuff
It's like the trucker's pee bombs
Yeah, except this is 90 proof
She looks out window and says, "Are you ready?"
Jeanie, "Why is it going to be beautiful? Is it going to turn into fairy dust"
Is this going to be amazing?
I gotta do this cool because there is a wind going
Betsy throws it out . . . and it comes right back at her
The inside of the Volvo is now covered with breast milk
We stop at the Continental Divide
You remember how I feel about high mountain roads
Betsy, keep talking to me, keep talking
Those nets are to catch landslides
You could have explained pump and dump
All of the sudden we see cable cars
"The highest point on highway 50"
It is gorgeous
I was not feeling well
Jeanie is shaking, exhausted and needs a pick me up
Betsy, what kind of fudge do you want
"What dude," Betsy says Colorado slow
I think that I am freaking out
Now we have to drive down the mountain
Fudge won't help anything
We made it down it ok
But we were following an RV
Can you use those for cars?
No you have to hit the mountain
The RV's brakes were on fire
It took us six hours to get home
That's it, installment 4 of Betsy and Jeanie's trip to Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club

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Tags: Remington Valhalla Shooting Club Linda Hogan Continental Divide shop Betsy Smith Jeanie Bowen

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 01, 2007

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 10:42:30 -0500

Croncast - 2007-08-01.mp3
Show: #392
Length: 1:05:10
Size: 44.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Aug 01, 2007

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We've made it into the month of August
You've now crossed into Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla Shooting Club
Sure you don't want to bitch about Boulder some more?
I like Boulder, there are just some things I don't
We roll up and there is a guard tower
Was he standing there with a rifle?
No, Mr B
It is a gorgeous view
Flanked by beauty
The guard comes ambling up to the Volvo
Your names ladies?
We give them, remember this
"Do you ladies have any firearms with you?"
No firearms in this Volvo
This wagon is clear
He gives us directions
We roll on up
Elk Mountain Resort is beautiful
The valet pulls it four feet away and parks
The woman on hotels.com just kept complaining about it
She is nuts
Jeannie says the place is like Annie
Everyone stands to greet you as you walk in
Then there was Santa Claus
A dude with a white beard and red suit?
No, he had a uniform and a "I love my job smile"
He's got hot towels on a silver platter
He looks at me and says, "Mrs. Smith would you like a towel?"
He looks at Jeannie, "Mrs. Smith would you like a towel?"
Shit, the deal is sealed, we are the dykes
Welcome to first class
It took us 9 hours from Boulder
We'll make everything guided for you
What time would you ladies like dinner?
This Mrs. Smith would like to eat before 7:30
Mrs. Smith and I would like to eat in 45 minutes
Santa has an ear piece and a chest mic
He talks into it and poof the bell hop appears
We get to our room and the view is gorgeous
If you don't like it dial "0"
The bed looks like a cloud from heaven
I got Wal-Mart sheets
Jeanie, "We have robes!"
Hers and hers robes would have been nice
So we get dressed for dinner
It was intimidating, we felt like we didn't fit
Then I bust out the gift certificate
We wanted to play it cool
Sure, you want to fit in
They were nicer than your grandma who hasn't see you in three years
Every time you walk in the door the staff stands
Oh, are you ladies here for dinner?
I'll announce you, then he speaks into his lapel, "The Smiths are here for dinner."
You haven't told them yet?
No I was waiting for Jeannie
Who's the man, the big footed one with a bad perm
Are there any other guests at the resort?
Two other men not talking
There were 10 total guests at the resort
We order our dinner and they ask for drinks
My mom always orders the house wine, the cheap stuff
I'll have a Mountain Dew won't go over well
Jeannie hates red wine but follows Betsy's lead
Hi, I'm Chef Jeff, which house wine is best for you?
They start bringing out bread baskets and baked stuff
Chef Jeff is like, "Fuck dude! I worked on that all day and you can't say it."
I look at Jeannie, I can tell she doesn't like it
Been there and done that
Jeannie is woofing it down
I have to eat at least half of it
The two men eating alone are now joined by someone I recognize
The owner that I had seen on The Daily Show
Kris if you kick it up a notch we can do this every weekend
He comes over to the table
Asks what activities we are going to do
ATV's and shooting
We are the only resort in the entire world to have access for ATV's
Jeannie, "I love the outdoors but I can't go up high"
Our ATV's are automatic
They've thought of everything
Yes, everything
On the ride you will come to a place called Top of the World
So high that airplanes will fly below
Then he launches in to the special lights
These are based on the biologic make up of a lobster's eye
They are used to melt the snow to make an ice tunnel
Mr. Foreman continues to talk about the press they have gotten
A book on the NYT Best Sellers list is based at Elk Mountain Resort
He had me sold . . . I wanted to kiss a bear and drive to the top of the world
Why would you think that you couldn't do something?
Tom Foreman makes you believe that you can do anything
Enter the rest of the guests
Three sets of couples that look like my neighbors
Fit soccer moms?
Yes, Kris
I just drove 4 states over to get away from them
Now they are going to spoil my mountain view
Mr. Foreman goes over to the new couples
The super sweet firebox
Then our food comes
Every time there was another opportunity to be put in our place
We were still really awkward
Betsy has a bowl of puss and I get a bowl of noodles
It was couscous Jeannie
Jeannie starts to panic, all I get are these noodles
Campbell's has everything including broth
Then they bring the broth
After that they bring out dinner
The whole thing was terrific
Except that we were both completely terrified
To get over the petrification of being treated so well and Elk Mountain Resort stay more nights
Kris you are the king of upgrade
So after dinner Santa jumps up
We get our bill after dinner
Betsy goes white
Shut up Jeannie, I'll tell you later
The one thing you can't return is food
What I was freaking out about was that our house wine turned out to be $18 a glass
From their perspective, the lesbians aren't satisfied
Chef Jeff asks if dinner was to their liking
Then Thomas comes over and asks
After that the waitress comes up
Sure, they are trained like the CIA to read unhappiness
What would you ladies like to do?
We would like a jacuzzi?
Our eyes meet and we realize . . . they aren't out to get us . . . they are out to spoil us
Drinking our sangria in the hot tub
The cheap wine was awesome
Betsy took 100 pics of the tops of trees
At the Boulder art fair there was a dude with aspen photos
So we retire to the room and Jeannie puts on a robe
Sliding into the bed of heaven
Mrs. Smith, this is going to be the greatest night of my life
The greatest part of this is that I have no kids to wake me up
Betsy wakes up at 6:01 for coffee and viewing birds that were probably released for my pleasure
Do you know how much this is costing per minute? Get up Jeannie
We decide to take a hike
We start to walk by workers that gardening
When they see you they stop, stand, smile and ask you if you need anything
Landscapers saw us, they froze like deer
When we went by them they commenced working again
Tom has thought of everything
When a crossed eyed man in golf cart tells you "good luck" heed his warning
People are freezing along the trail "I'm a tree. I'm a tree. I'm a tree"
Maybe the trail was made for someone who came one time
Betsy, they did not release cows into the national forest for you to view
Queue the cattle
Someone left it on the comment card no doubt
Gotta watch out for the feral cows
Jeannie was petrified of them
Now you know why he told you good luck
That guy used to not be cross eyed till a cow incident
We can hear them shrieking and yelling
There they are . . . the soccer moms on the zip line
Whew, my Nike sports bra is twisted
We are on our way back
Jeannie freezes as we stand on Have you told anyone that you are not Mrs. Smith?
I see two brown ears rising out of this draining ditch
Out jumps a giant mule deer
Betsy chases it to take it's photo
The lesbians are crazy!
What are the lesbians doing now?
Time for lunch on the patio
We need some cigarettes and an ashtray
"Can I have an ashtray?"
She speaks into her cleavage mic
Around the corner, "I'm on it"
I know it is fun to play spies but this is weird
It was awesome though, instant ashtray
Lesbians are on porch, queue deer
Queue the geese
Then the soccer moms come bouncing back fit and tan
"Where are you guys from?"
Bloomington. "We are going to drive through there."
Their husbands, reserved and uptight
Screw it, this is all about me
I am going to make the soccer moms laugh
She swore that she was thirsty and all the sudden water showed up
"Guess how many kids we have?"
I don't know this is a game?
We have 10 combined?
How many are girls?
One
Then they struck a bad ass soccer mom pose
They brought things like running shoes
Betsy brought Crocs and sandals
Perfect lesbian gear
The soccer moms told us that the ATV's were awesome
We get ready to go and Misha shows up
I have done this ride 500 times and not lost 1 person yet
She takes out these top gun flight suits
I brought you the biggest ones we have
Betsy, "Of course mine won't zip up"
Jeannie, "neither will mine"
Jeannie you rock!
This could be customer service boot camp
Their motto must be "we are not going to tell you no"
They actually import vans from Europe to fit through their gates
Probably because it is more aesthetically pleasing
This is my new motto, "It is all about me"
Betsy gives me the thumbs up and then hits a tree
So we're going up the mountain
Jeannie is flying behind Misha
Betsy is stuck
I look down and my left hand has the brake so tight that I won't move
When you got on the quad the Unitarian in you took over
It was trying to save you
Oh, I'm sorry when was the last time you drove an ATV up a mountain
Betsy is trying to avoid the sticks
"Mam, that is an all terrain vehicle. Run over the sticks."
Hitting trees really hurts
Right before we get to The Top of the World
I look up and it is all Aspens and cattle
Jeannie starts to freak
Get me past that cow so fast
I am getting away from that cow so fast
Kris, we got to the top of mountain
You can see Utah, three mountain ranges at 9000 ft
We both had brown mustaches
It added to the lesbianism
Every time Betsy talks to the staff it is about her husbands and kids
Talk into your chest, the lesbians are not lesbians
These people are awesome
Misha ran a camp for bad ass kids
Like outward bound? Way scarier
Working at Elk Mountain Resort is top of the food chain
You have got to put in your time
John of course is an ex-Navy Seal
He is bad ass
You feel amazingly comfortable and slightly scared
I love men like that. Don't you Jeannie
Sure, he was handsome too
OK, time for this podcast to end
We ended on the ATV's and it was time to drink
Don't hand the truck driver the bottle
Four or five inches of vodka
Kris, we almost drank an entire bottle of vodka
Jeannie is naked in a robe and slippers
We are ripped
You are so awesome . . . No, you are so awesome
I look at clock and it is 9:00 p.m. and we haven't eaten
We dial "0" and they tell us that the dining room is still open for us
We arrive and there are flames to the ceiling
Chef Jeff is making bananas foster
The soccer moms start to speak to us
Betsy with her vodka mouth
"Are we going to be on your webcast?", soccer moms
Jeannie loves it when I get out of control
"We should introduce ourselves"
No that is OK, I already have a name for you, "The bad ass soccer moms"
It could go either way
Then the leader dies laughing
Right, there has to be an Alpha mom in the group
Yes, the one with the longest Escalade, the EXT
So Chef Jeff comes over
Betsy, "A-1 Jeff we're trashed. Can I call you Chef Jeff from now on"
That's not chatting it up that is drunk babble
Chef Jeff really made it
We don't go to gourmet restaurants and have the chef talk to us for 40 minutes
It was entirely phenomenal
Kris, I know we have talked about how I challenged the Russian to a vodka drinking contest
Can I take it back when you order the most expensive item on the menu?
And I was on the urge of vomiting
Kobe beef times 2 with bananas foster
Betsy looks at me like you better eat that bitch
Chef Jeff is buying us drinks
And I have to deny him because now I can't see him
I don't know where I am at
We stumble back to our room
There is that point, where you realize that I am done my man
Jeannie deals with Betsy, I am sick
I will lay in the bed of heaven
Betsy has the her cigarettes and the camera around her neck
You ticked me off
You don't like me anymore?
I'll like you tomorrow
You just ripped my underwear and are out of control
I proceed to go to the most beautiful bathroom in the states
And I don't even have to use my muscles
I have an exorcism of the most expensive meal I have ever ate
More babbling from Betsy
Typical Betsy move, "I made myself throw up"
This is the best planned bathroom of all time
6 feet from toilet to wall on a slate floor
Betsy made a bed right there with a Turkish robe
And I fell asleep on that cold stone slate floor and it felt so good
As I was falling asleep I thought to myself . . .
I love John, Misha, Chef Jeff and I love Tom the most
Why? Because he was smart enough to put a twin bed in the water closet
I don't know what we were thinking by drinking so much
I have nicotine and alcohol poisoning . . . I need to dial "0"
We have to do another show for Valhalla
It was the most emotional day of Jeannie's life
Sorry about your underwear dude
I'll get you a Target gift certificate
These were Victoria Secret
Do you know how much stuff I will have to find and sell from Goodwill?
Final installment of Elk Mountain Resort and Valhalla comes your way tomorrow!

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Tags: kobe beef bananas foster Elk Mountain Resort Valhalla Shooting Club Chef Jeff bad ass soccer moms

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 04, 2007

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 08:22:52 -0500

Croncast - 2007-07-04.mp3
Show: #382
Length: 32:47
Size: 22.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jul 04, 2007

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The live show is coming
Happy 4th of July fellow Americans
The country is older, I'm older and you're older
What are you doing, Kris?
You had no idea it was a holiday . . . you're a nerd
Someone's going to be expecting you to leave your computer
Nerds need boundries
One of the reasons you make a good husband but damn
Today and only today, you are the greatest husband
Booba, I've been married to you for over 3000 days
It's time for a break, Mr. B
Three days of joy for me at Elk Mountain Resort
Betsy driving from here to Boulder with Jeanie and the kids
We saw it on the Daily Show
Betsy got her gift certificate for the resort from the Radio Shopping Show
They got stuff for kids
Right, a wading pool with pellet guns
They will be teaching him kane fighting
Betsy's conservative side is taking over
Off to the training ground
Survivalists with an edge in luxury accommodations
Betsy calls them up
Yeah, we no longer are open to the public . . . we are members only
But we are accepting the remainder of the gift certificates
If I call and hear Best Western and Glock shooting range, I turn that down
Not that this is anything close to a Best Western but the added weaponry, man
My husband won't be coming but my friend will be
Only two people can sleep in the room
Nope, no two certificates for you
She thinks that you and Jeanie are, you know
Who cares! I am going to eat Kobe beef in bed
So now that Kris is going to watch the kids for me and Jeanie
You fell at my feet, bowed and begged
Yes, Betsy begged to go on this trip sans children

Betsy is yelling that it is the 4th and I need to go. Talk with you guys soon.

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Tags: boulder vacation the resort vacation without kids Best Western

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 29, 2007

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:11:04 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-29.mp3
Show: #380
Length: 27:03
Size: 18.5mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 29, 2007

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Back from vacation
The show quality has changed a bit with new replacement gear
I will miss you UA 6176's but welcome the new dbx 1066 as an able stepchild
The dbx 1066 just doesn't have the same punch or open sound
Betsy is making up words "non-dramicle"
Definition - normal
Vacation with kids is racing to bed time for the adult vacation
It's a great time with the kids but for relaxation they need to be sleeping
Souvenirs gets Betsy going
No, you can't buy Maggie a rabbit pelt
Sure, 30 feet of rabbit pelts means 300 ft of sausage

Did I ever tell you what my dad brought back from a Florida vacation?
I bought you this really nice present
My sister gets a doll toy
I get a dead shark in a bottle
Yes, you have talked about your purely irrational fear of sharks
Shark week is just hell for me
I don't even watch television
It's so irrational
Have you ever had an encounter with a shark?
It's some sort of fetal shark in jar
It still had the soulless glare
That shit doesn't pass with death
I was afraid of death of the thing
I left it on the deck in the middle of winter
After about 3 weeks my mom saw it on the back porch
It had exploded, epitome of my mom's memories of my father
Then I had to go and clean it up
This is why I am a messed up person Kris
If it wasn't for my parents I wouldn't be so messed up
Ahhh, vacation was good
Doping up the kids with souvenirs to placate them
The "me" time on vacation . . . Indian gaming casino - Ho Chunk
Man, slots have changed in the years since we've been there
No more tokens or quarters for them
Digital machines with receipts that have bar codes
Tracking your slot usage
Betsy signs up with the frequent gambler program
I know you get a lot of class acts in here
You guys are making this too hard to spend my money
So I get you to come
The slots are now just computers
When you get tired of it robbing you blind
You take your receipt
A document of the heist that has just happened
Or a document that measures your joy in dollars
The great Wheel of Fortune penny slot machine story
Kris walked out with some loot in a way that only Kris could score it
Karma hooked me up
The all inclusive takes its toll when it comes to buffets
All the crab that we ate
The breakfasts and deserts
The breakfasts with deserts
The whole joint was staffed by Moldavians
They make some powerful drinks
Who knew that the Wisconsin Dells was powered by a foreign workforce?
Well, Chula Vista is

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Tags: Wisconsin Dells Chula Vista Ho Chunk casino vacation 2007 shark in a jar

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 22, 2007

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 09:10:41 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-22.mp3
Show: #379
Length: 28:48
Size: 19.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 22, 2007

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Kris is funny too
Well, you should be . . . you've been learning for years from me
I should call you "lady ambiguity"
You are like the thing on Lost that traverses the forest
I went through the basement windows
Locked in the basement
I am proud of you Kris, there could have been a jar at your feet
I call the house phone from my cell
Could have opened it with a pair of scissors
You who took the certified to sell the house class
Kris has a cold
Ah, you are so dramatic
So just tell your story Mr. B
I gave up on all of you trying save me
Who's the dumb ass now
It sucks to be locked in a little box doesn't it?
You can hold it till she gets home
I used the escape exit from the basement
Turns out I am not as fat as I think I am
Kris's body dysmorphic disorder
How did you get out of the well?
Very easy, big man struggling out of a small hole
I'm glad it happened
When I met people who listen to the show last year they figured I weighed 800 lbs
The commenter has to be new to the show
Or it is Betsy's mom
Thank you for caring
It doesn't look terrible
Betsy has a lot of stuff
I give Betsy a hard time and she gives me one too
It is part of our schtick
Bety's hair now looks like Eddie Vedder from 1991
Oh, I forgot to tell you
You know how when you are old and you see young kids and say, "They are dressing like that now"
I almost laughed right at them
The hair metal look appears to be back with the kids
You can mess with the Slayer they are not a hair band
The awkward dopey kids
Checking their hair in the mirror
How the hell did I not ever have clue?
That was you nearly 20 years ago
Sweet Pea let me tell you about these boys
The guilty red neck pleasure that Kris has been indulging in
No preventative care for yourself?
The water bottle carrier
Get a really thick leather man belt
One that says Denis Austin?
No
Bad ass dudes don't give away their belts, they wear them till they fall off
Speaking of jugs
I went T-shirt shopping for you tonight Kris
Margarita Team
Tommy Bahama| ZZ Top on the Apple TV
Selling off the audio equipment for tax loot
Show quality will change a bit, but I am on it today

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Tags: Tommy Bahama Margarita Team the creature from Lost ZZ Top proud of Kris

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 07:01:50 -0500

Croncast - 2007-06-01.mp3
Show: #370
Length: 31:57
Size: 21.9mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris Jun 01, 2007

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Mr. B it has been a tough week out there in the garage sale trenches
She wouldn't look me in the eye
Hey, you invited me here!
You put up a sign and told me to come to your garage
You don't treat an invited guest like this
I'm going to give you my two dollars, bitch
You're husband gives you money and you do a lot more for him . . . come on
Oh, baby
A moving box full of GI Joe and little boy crap
It's a perfect box for the man
How about $5?
Doesn't look at me and says, "I haven't even gone through that one yet"
Is there gold in the bottom of that box?
I know there isn't some Barbie from the 60's in there
Hold on a second, "Timmy ,Tommy you come sort your crap."
The kids run up the cobble stone driveway
Elliot comes bounding up the driveway
And his white t-shirt is covered snacks, markers and ketchup
It looks like he was rolled in grade school good times
He's excited to see all the toys in the box
Then the boys started making fun of him
It's one thing to make fun of me, but my child
Baby, I am not condoning them making fun of Elliot
Here we, go, this might upset you
They made fun of him because the way he left the house
It's ok for you to do the things you do
But when applied to the kids . . . just make sure they are clean when they leave
The boy's dirty feet
Just get'em clean baby
"Dad I need a toothpick to clean [my toes]"
I understand that you needed to get out of the house
Just clean them up
Mr. B, I have areas of weakness and strengths
And as co-parent it is your duty to step it up or shut up
Our kids are not show prep
If you're gonna take them places just clean them up
Yeah, Kris, you run Daddy salon
They look to you Betsy . . . for hygiene, things like band aids
Those kids were from the mouth of hell . . . definitely not Unitarians
I scored an American Girl Illumaroom
It was $5 day for you
Betsy is going to be making the garage saler year book
If I were a more meticulous entrepreneur
I would save the subdivision maps
The divisions in our personalities
Small town and a little bit city in Kris
If Brad Paisley and Brad Pitt had a baby
Junking and class fighting it out in Betsy
I think that is why so many interesting things happen to us, Kris
I never thought of my small town as out of the norm
Sentimentalism is not cheese Booba
It's just where I grew up
They're survival skills baby
I think we are missing a comfort zone Mr. B
We're just restless
Goes to your workaholism
We need to get comfortable where we are
We can try
Wish me luck, I'm going back out there tomorrow
The broken iPod is up to $70 something bucks
They go on sale when they change the diaper packaging
He was in there
"You gotta do it, Hi"
I did it for you baby
One of our Raising Arizona moments of yore
I'm going to Boulder next week
No you are not starting a business flipping dogs

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Tags: workaholism GI Joe Raising Arizona Brad Paisley Brad Pitt American Girl Illumaroom

If I had $5 million . . .

Fri, 25 May 2007 08:50:09 -0500

Update: It's a meme for sure. A commentary over at the WSJ online by Andy Kessler makes my idea sound less crazy.

I've been thinking about this since last Saturday when I read that the SF Chronicle would be cutting 25 percent of it's editorial staff in their newsroom. And with the conversation taking shape online I decided to stop procrastinating and write this.

On Tuesday of this week I was talking with Scott about podcasting quality and new media production when I went segued into, "If I had $5 million dollars . . ."

Here's what I would do with it:

1. I would pick up half of the Chronicle staffers that are being canned [around 40 people]
2. Spend a couple of weeks working with them to understand RSS, blogging, podcasting (audio/video), production software Mac/PC and anything else DIY media - don't get me wrong most of them probably understand this stuff but I would want them to be self-sufficient, decentralized producers (Mark is already getting this on)
3. Find out what they really like to do in life, what they like to report about and where they like to travel
4. Send them all off to report (blog and podcast) with the gear and skills they need to produce finished works, and a login to a central web based CMS. There is no big fancy office in this plan.
5. Distribute the work via blog, podcast, RSS and closed system for contract work

You might ask, at the core, how this is different from Reuters or other media organizations? It's not really that different. It's simply a model that uses the greatest distribution platform - the internet and maintains agility by avoiding bloat.

The way that it is really different is that a new crop of seasoned print news pros would show up on the scene with the ability to use the knowledge, interview skills and the contacts that they have gained in their tenure to produce work - news reporting, investigative, human interest . . . what have you, from their own perspective. I agree with Dave Winer on this, it is the next step.

So how do you keep it going? With a smaller, nimble, decentralized model like this I think you could get really creative with ways to generate revenue. The real nut comes from selling the content back to traditional media outlets as a buyout for rights or licensing it to them for a fee. Ad revenue should be viewed as beer money.

When I stood inside the building at 1211 Avenue of the Americas, a.k.a News Corp, I was told that the 10x10 room with equipment floor to ceiling and 5 people inside was the only room in the building that turned a profit. The room? Distribution by satellite for affiliates, rival networks and other buyers around the globe. One hundred square feet! Btw, have you seen how big this building is?

So, if I had $5 million I would look to these and other journalistic professionals as partners in building the next generation of media publishing. Sure, they are showing up after most of the heavy lifting has already been done and many of them spent an inordinate amount of time picking us apart, but we should welcome them to the party. We have just as much to learn from them as they do us.

I can't forget this . . . that is $5 million business money. Do you think that Betsy would let me near it if it was really mine? I mean hers.

Tags: SF Chronicle firings Hiring Chronicle employees new media rival networks decentralized media

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 23, 2007

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 07:12:12 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-23.mp3
Show: #353
Length: 30:08
Size: 20.7mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 23, 2007

Join Croncast Cronies . . . thanks Kelly C.

This is a production of Palegroove Studios
You are the Junque Queen
They are investments Mr. B
You are pathological baby
Back when you took part in the plan
Watched the man
I am, I spent the entire day with the kids today
It has to do with the desire for you to part with your junk
How many times have you shopped alone?
Walking in to Goodwill and not knowing what you are going to find
I don't need another stuffed animal
That isn't what I said psycho-pants
Betsy forgets that she just told me something else
I'm fat because of you
You're going to be down here in a wife beater and a jogging bra Mr. B
Kris mowed the yard for the first time in two years
Turning dog poop in to confetti
Kris wore sandals to pick up Elliot and his feet were reflecting light
Last year you were a crazy workaholic
You took this new job to work less and it ain't so
When you turn over rocks that stuff doesn't look good
Mr. B you are the stuff under the rock
It's a problem because I say it is . . . you got to get out of the basement
It will be funny till you get diagnosed
Kris is going to Boulder on Tuesday
When I leave the house I go far away . . . it makes up for not going anywhere
Reference back to Jeanie's pee bomb story from her driving days
My work now is not like it was before
Closing up shop at the end of the day
I have to be there and if I'm not they think I'm not working
Kristopher! If they ping you at 2 am you would ping them right back
I love my phone
What they really want to hear about is my excellent weekend
The holidays don't mean a thing in junk . . . the first nice weekend it the best ever
Betsy needs all the karma trades she can get
Outside the donations box are two strollers
The "if you are a patriot you will donate something for retarded children box"
Betsy rationalizes and does the deed
- This is a great story -
Picking Elliot up from church on Earth Day
The wizard jedi master knight pope the 4th is there is his hooded wizard clothes
Don't you lock eyes with people and think this person is just like me
I don't want the hooded people at all
Don't twist my robe, I'll put a spell on you
Both the kids fit in to church
Gigi is a humanist and Elliot is way into it
The doll house wrap up
Thanks to Nicole Simon for the heads up on the broken feed

We are going to do a live show here in Naperville . . . hopefully in July. We'd like to get about 40 people to come out so we can have the joint for about 2 hours. That means you need to get your friends to come out too. Let us know if you can swing it.

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Tags: Palegroove Studios donation boxes Nicole Simon junque queen psycho pants peg perego

Betsy and her husband Kris Apr 02, 2007

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 07:46:22 -0500

Croncast - 2007-04-02.mp3
Show: #344
Length: 39:56
Size: 27.4mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris April 2, 2007

It's good to be back!
Thanks to everyone who sent messages and comments
Four weeks of not being told you're fabulous has taken it's toll on Betsy
It's a thankless job being a house wife
Betsy really needs the show, she just won't admit it
I do like success Mr. B I just don't like to work very hard
iTunes users leave us a review in the iTunes music store
I've never been stuck on one thing
Yes, I was well rounded
I still have the sharp shins
The family knows me as the idea guy
But I stick to it like peanut butter
I am like that crazy inventor guy
The creepy guy who's in his garage all the time?
I have been waiting for this
Head first into break and I was excited
But Bears, you did nothing around the house
This will be a turning point in our marriage . . . Kris will start participating
Winter brings garbage
The sky opens and beer cans fall
Kris's sliding man pants while he works
Getting that backside tan
Can you turn around and lift your shirt
You'll have a pregnancy like slider to measure the tan for a man who does things
I get less sunshine now that I am working from home
And I've started losing weight
I have . . . like it is panic
Your Weight Watcherness of the last 4 weeks are putting the screws to me
My face is saggy . . . my tummy is jubbly
You'll have lost 6 or 7 ounces
Packing it in before was the truth
I am going to end up with a post-pregnancy belly
Watch yourself big boy
You never asked me to do anything on break other than bring in the garbage can
What if I buy you a ladder?
I'm done I cede the floor to you Betsy, now tell the Volvo story
Tidal wave in the car
Zeus was nowhere to be found
She calls me, "I was driving in my car . . . "
The way I don't ever want to hear Betsy start that way
I know that I am going to end up back at Volvo of Lisle
Yes, I was correct
We hit'em up to try to get it taken care of
The gist of it is that we are screwed
"You should call customer care and start there."
"Work your way up"
Reputation management matters but auto dealers don't care
This is a fluke but the Volvo reputation for a consumer begins at the dealership
They are the ones that should care
Once it is repaired Betsy asked for a price for them to buy it outright
Big mistake
Once she told them no new Volvo that she would buy a new car from another dealer it was over
Sure it is all soccer moms around here but it doesn't matter
Now we'll keep it til the warranty runs out unless something so bad happens that they will actually take responsibility for the car being a lemon
I never leave the house now
Which brings me to my point . . . I am going to sell your car Mr. B
You can't sell my car, baby
The farthest I went from the house in the last week alone was 35 feet
Talking taxes on Wednesday . . . strikingly vivid
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Tags: Croncast Weight Watcherness croncast returns Volvo of Lisle reputation management

Life is show prep when you own a Volvo, I mean a Ford

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 20:43:35 -0500

Sooooo, Kris thought to himself . . . I mean myself, that I would be cool and do something nice for Betsy. Like I could stop by Volvo of Lisle, the new temporary home for her car and talk to them about the state of her V70 wagon and give her some good news like it has been fixed or that we guarantee that 3/4 of an inch of water will never pour out from under the dash on the driver's side again.

I suppose I should have been talking to the techs instead of a finance guy, a manager and a sales man to get an answer for that. But I knew the car wouldn't be finished since we didn't hear back plus the fact that when we arrived they told us that they were overbooked by 60 appointments for today.

Mosquito eggs will be hatching in the meantime. This may be the most expensive larva nest/ant farm in history. Hopefully the high water mark won't damage the resale value. Something Betsy knows all about.

This was the point tonight they would step up to the plate and work with us. However, that would be to easy! I was told to call customer service, "It might take two weeks but eventually you'll talk to the right person."

Like I have time for this, not only do you have my car but I want to spend hours on hold waiting for someone to tell me that they can't help us out and I have to get upset and ask for a manager. At that point they then tell us that they don't really work for Volvo of North America they are just at a call center in Idaho.

This was, of course was after he mentioned that I might want to pursue the lemon law. I promptly redirected that path of reasoning as a remedy for a car that has been in for repair SIX times in 5200 miles of its existence. Towed in for two of those repair trips. We both know the lemon law means a bunch of expenses on my end and a high likely hood that there will be a pretty unsatisfactory ending to the story of our Ford station wagon.

Well, I gotta run laptop needs juice and I am tired. More to come later this week but expect a recap on our first show back this Monday April 2nd.

Oh yeah, "Is there anyone that I can call to shorten this process?" says Kris. "No. Just call customer care," Mr. Sales. "You guys don't have a name?" asks Kris. "I don't work with them," Mr. Sales.

You would think we bought the car from Volvo of North America.

Tags: Volvo of Lisle Volvo V70 V70 Mr. Sales Volvo of North America water in my car driving my feet are wet

A tow truck is on the way

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 08:34:02 -0600

Monday morning 8:00 a.m. and I make my way to Betsy's frozen, partially snow covered car. My goal - pull hard enough on the gear selector to get the car into reverse, into the cul de sac and turned around so the tow truck can put it on the lift.

Goal met. But not after a horrendous clicking sound as the car fought me to go back into park. In 20 feet of driving I lost the battle twice and watched the RPM's fly into red levels. Sweet.

Once I hit the pavement of the cul de sac . . . snap, it goes into drive. I would give this a "sweet" but I don't care anymore because the car is still broken. So right now it is backed up by our mail box waiting for it's ride to the dealership for another round of "repairs".

Tags: Volvo of Lisle Volvo V70 2.5T V70 lemon Volvo repairs

Betsy and her husband Kris Dec 13, 2006

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 07:09:59 -0600

Croncast - 2006-12-13.mp3

Show: #313
Length: 39:18
Size: 27.0 mb
Format: mp3

Betsy and her husband Kris December 13, 2006

Today is not for the triscadecaphobic
Betsy is the demon seed
Send her a paragraph why she is evil . . . not really
Betsy causes the world's woes
That voice you near is Melissa from ChildServ
We're collecting that money until Friday
I got some cool stuff
Keeping them out of soap and sheets holiday posse
Melissa says, "Kids don't want to open soap at Christmas"
The door bell interrupts us
eBay rule number 437 . . . show up on time, not early
He won't ring the door bell
Betsy broke the rules first and Melissa calls her on it
The hole that we do the show in, Betsy admits it
A care bear that has had it's eyes eaten by the dog
Eyeless care bears
Betsy has to show Melissa her storage area
1000 square feet devoted to garbage
I was going to try to help if I could
No, Melissa did not come over here
I just don't like it when people are early
Strangers should show up on time
"Betsy wouldn't have a big blow up Santa and basketball hoop at her house"
You're about to transport who? Where? Betsy you have to take the van
If you've listened for a long you know this, we know poor
Two months of eating rice out of a wok
Betsy got eBay skills to by clothes, diapers, food, pay for pre-school
Anti-foraging hater . . . Diannah read and reply please
So what does all of this mean?
It is all about having the ability or knowing when or how to do it
You have to make it your goal
It has been happening for ever
Walmart and the Elmo's . . . Betsy move
There is no buying from Walmart
Betsy explains why Kris is Walmart hater
It's the labor practices
Things that the kids would like
Betsy tries to balance both her sides
The Unitarians are right in the middle
Donations end on Friday
What makes a success
Getting out of the program means independent living skills
Graduate who is now getting his masters
Where's the money?
It's Thanksgiving break . . . can I come to the group home?
Having family makes a big difference
Melissa has been doing it for 11 years!

Tags: ChildServ triscadecaphobia social workers Walmart unitarians